You hate your little sister for always grabbing centre stage at the dinner table. Watching your best friend laugh at one of her boyfriend's jokes makes your stomach tighten. Sometimes just seeing a friend's amazing new sneakers or higher mark on an exam paper or a fabulous new haircut can spoil your mood. Are you the world's most awful human being? Were you born without the gene for generosity and compassion? Of course not! Jealousy is a normal emotion we are all susceptible to. While it's not a pleasurable feeling, once it's understood, it can inspire you to become an ever better person.

What's the difference between being envious and feeling jealous? We're jealous of the baby our parents bring home from the hospital because we don't want to lose the relationship that is the most important to us. We're envious of a friend who gets her acceptance letter into college before we do. When we feel envy, we want the things or qualities someone else has... and maybe we wish they didn't have them. Since jealousy involves feelings of insecurity involving the loss of a personal relationship, it is usually more intense than envy. Sometimes you can even feel both at the same time. If your boyfriend starts paying attention to a pretty cheerleader, you may feel jealous of his attention and envious of the cheerleader for being so cute.

Just why we get jealous has more to do with how we feel about ourselves than what we perceive others as having. But although it sounds dark and destructive, jealousy might actually be the key to finding changes you want to make in your own personality. Instead of thinking just negative thoughts about someone really popular, we can find out what's so great about her. Is she a good listener? Is she super friendly? Does she have a good sense of humour? We're not suggesting that you become her clone, but learning from the people we admire can be an effective way to grow.

Boys tend to be more envious of someone's fame and fortune, while girls are more concerned with being well liked and physically attractive. That girls admit to feeling jealousy and envy more often, and show how they feel more than boys do, should be no surprise! Although there's no quick fix for what the poet's call "the injured lover's hell," or the "jaundice of the soul," here are a few suggestions to keep in mind when the "green-eyed monster" strikes.

1. List your good points and talents. Even if you aren't top of the class, you might be a terrific artist, with your work displayed on the classroom walls.
2. If your envy and jealousy stem from feelings of insecurity, try being proactive rather than feeling sorry for yourself. You wish you had a better figure? Get to the gym. Better grades? No mystery, study more. How you feel is not a done deal. You will grow better as you age....if you work at it.
3. Sometimes it's as simple as making people aware of how their actions are affecting you. Try talking to the person you're having negative feelings about. If you are jealous of the attention your best friend is paying to someone else, and you're feeling ignored, tell her. Lots of times, friends who hurt us are totally ignorant of what they're doing. How dare they forget we deserve placement at the centre of their universe, as well!